The Current Happenings of Char and Val
by bingcrosby
Summary: Charlotte Wills is a college kid. Charlotte lives with Val. Charlotte is taken to the woods with Val to meet The Fellowship. the Fellowship is terrified. Charlotte is furious. Val is just happy to be alive. Follow Char and her inner most thoughts as she and Val begin their decent into madness. (Not to be take seriously, consult your doctor before reading.)
1. Shock

**The Current Happenings of Char and Val**

**Chapter One: Shock**

TTTTTT

Thank God!

Praise Allah!

Hare Krishna!

I was home. No classes the next day, no work, no nothin'. I was free.

I felt like screaming, I was so happy. But like a normal human being I kicked off my shoes by the door and threw my bag on the ground.

"Val, I'm home," I called out to my roommate, I didn't receive a reply.

This was normal actually, for her to be gone for hours without contacting me. The first few times she did it though, the police got involved. I shrugged it off, and went to my room to change.

From beauty consultant to a lazy slob in .14 seconds, I changed into yoga pants and a La Salle sweatshirt.

I wandered back out into the living room and immediately ordered pizza.

TTTTT

Why does it take pizza forever to arrive? They say it's gonna be 45 minutes, but it's more like an hour and a half.

Like seriously Dominos, it's not that hard to throw some tomatoes and cheese at an over-sized slice of bread.

I even left my house to take my damn dog on a walk, PIZZA SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG.

TTTTT

Taking Winnie on a walk wasn't such a good idea after all. By the time I got back, the pizza guy had left the pizza at the door, since I paid with my credit card earlier. The lid was slightly open; an army of ants were slowly making their way to the box and around my ankles.

I carefully picked up my dog and pizza box and fumbled around for the keys. I eventually got in and heaved a heavy sigh while kicking the door close.

Oddly enough, my television was on when I came in, although I'm pretty sure I turned it off before I left.

I must be getting old, I say at 21.

But the fact my television was on, when I'm sure I turned it off, wasn't my current problem. My current problem was that I had semi-warm pizza in my hand as Star Trek was playing in the background, with Zachary Quinto looking lovely, and I was just standing around.

What is wrong with me?

TTTT

I just inhaled 4 pieces of pizza in 15 minutes. That fact hit me like a hurricane, as I pinched and prodded my newly formed food baby. The worst part was that I wanted 4 more.

Like really?

Who eats 8 slices of pizza in one sitting, that's like an entire box.

I waddled to my bathroom mirror and looked myself up and down. My eyes darted to my blah hair, to my meh complexion and then to my pudgy belly.

Being 5'8, I'm always on that edge of being tall or short, depending on who you're talking to. This caused my dieting in high school to fluctuate. Some days I looked like a healthy teenager, then other days I looked like I belong on those sweeping shots of obesity in America.

This was one of my obesity downs.

I should really work out more.

But that would have to wait, I can hear the siren call of a beautiful pizza maiden awaiting me.

TTTT

About an hour later, I was snacking on some Twinkies and watching Harry Potter, when a very loud knock came to the door.

I nearly vomited, I cannot stand sudden occurrences.

I jumped from the couch, and ran for the door. Valarie stood in the doorway, her black hair was in a sloppy ponytail, and sweat was dripping of her face.

Ew

"We need to go, like now," she panted.

I nodded and reached for my shoes. Val tugged at my wrist and drug me outside of our apartment and out into the parking lot.

Once we got to her car, a 1980 Volvo, she threw me the keys and shouted for me to drive to Wharton Forest. The entire situation was very strange. Although Valarie was usually very spontaneous, she was always very excited about what we were about to plan. Now, she just seemed terrified and panicked.

We came to a red light a few blocks away from the apartment complex. I turned off the radio and put on my best serious face.  
"Explain," I demanded, my voice did not come out a threatening as I wanted.

Val cleared her throat, and begun her speech.

"Okay, so I was on a forum about possible haunting cases and found one on the outskirts of Wharton, and I just HAD to investigate it. That's why I wasn't at work today by the way,"

God, that's the one thing I hate about her. Her odd obsession with the supernatural, it was expensive, time consuming and inconclusive. She continued to ramble on about hearing strange noises or some shit like that.

That was, until something caught my attention.

"…The Fellowship from Lord of the Rings was there. They said they were lost, and I freaked out. I told them to stay put while I went to get help, and that's when I came to the apartment."

I scrunched up my face into a tight lipped scowl.

"So…you met up with a lost cosplay group?"

"No, no the real deal Fellowship."

"Like the actors?"

She scoffed, "NO, the real goddamn Fellowship, what don't you understand about that?"

I rolled my eyes, "Maybe the fact that they are works of fiction and this is real life, we're going home,"

Valarie began shouting at me in Japanese or something and GRABBED FOR THE WHEEL I KID YOU NOT.

We served and swiveled on the highway, luckily it was pretty open since it was 4 am on a Thursday. I eventually was able to smack her hands away, after agreeing to search for the 'Fellowship' in the open wilderness.

If I get raped, I'm gonna be seriously pissed.

TTTT

We eventually got there at a quarter pass five. The sky was a mixture of reds, pinks, oranges and yellows. It would be a really nice sunrise hike, if I wasn't so angry.

I was cold, bloated, tired, annoyed and had to take a dump.

Valarie was scanning the trees and occasionally cupped her hands to shout "The Ring." If anything, that would drive them away, since their mission was to keep the ring hidden until destroyed.

We stopped for a quick rest, after I begged her to. Asian girls have tons of energy apparently, because I looked at her face, and no evidence of sleep deprivation was on her pale skin.

God, she was so pretty I felt like crying sometimes.

Like stop Valarie, leave some guys to for me.

Like, stop.

TTTTT

We found clues of an obvious campsite; the wood was piled and smoked. Valarie nearly peed herself she was so happy, until I said it could be anybody's.

Then she punched me in the gut.

Her Asian energy source was coming to an end.

TTTTT

We wandered, and wandered and wandered some more. I felt like fighting her right now, I was so mad.

That was until, we saw the large hairy feet of a hobbit walk towards us. He looked very scared, his eyes darted between us. Valarie practically shot in to the sky; her energy was replenished.

I never had to crap so much in life until that moment; the combination of fear, adrenaline, and bloating nearly killed me.

That was, until an arrow came flying by my head.

That almost killed me too.

TTTTT

**A/N: Hey, hey, hey. I was stuck in a rut with my other fanfic…so I began another.*bishie blush***

**What's a better cure to get you out of writers block than writing something new? Plus, I wanted to do a first-person POV. In many fics that I have read, that mind of the character is always so organized; it's like a clean tile floor. My mind is like when people put peanut shells in the ground, or like a hoarder's house, when anything could pop out at any time. So, I created Charlotte as a scatter brained chick (possibly in a subtle self-insert idk).**

**Enough rambling, I hope you enjoyed this you beautiful reader you. I hope you also enjoyed the chocolates I sent you too. #idon'townlordoftheringscriesonmyr oof **


	2. Terror

**The Current Happenings of Char and Val**

**Chapter Two: Terror**

"Holy shit!" was all I could say during those 5 minutes.

I said "Holy shit!" when the arrow came flying by my face.

I said "Holy shit!" when the arrow missed me and planted itself in Valarie's arm.

I muttered my last expletive once the assailant out to be an elf.

Valarie grabbed her bicep, then the tail of the arrow. She looked up from her wound for conformation of what just happened. God, I never felt like vomiting as much as I did then.

Now mind you, this wasn't because I couldn't handle the amount of blood pouring out of her arm, it was that I was nervous that we were in to middle of the woods with who have large weapons and not near a hospital.

Most worrying indeed.

Valarie finally, understood what was happening. She let out a groan then fainted to the ground by a nearby tree. I looked from her to the elf, to the hobbit and to the elf.

Now, I have read Lord of the Rings fanfiction before, written by our Lord of the Rings mega fan neighbor. And it's usually the movie versions that appear. It's like basically like meeting the actors while on set and in character.

But the hobbit didn't look like Elijah Woods, and the elf didn't look like Orlando Bloom. I'll be damned if this is the book version, which I never had an interest in reading.

Oh God, I was talking to myself out loud.

Now they're looking at me.

"Uh, um hello?" I croaked out, the elf drew another arrow from his quiver. I put my hands up, the universal sign of "Don't shoot."

I hope.

I was right, he lowered his weapon. He began talking in a language I couldn't understand.

Great, because this is what I really need right now.

My friend is bleeding heavily from her bicep; I think she may be a hemophiliac.

In front of me is a trigger happy elf speaking in a language I don't understand and a hobbit looking at me like I was Satan.

The elf started talking to me again, annunciating every word. "I have no clue what you're saying," I say shrugging my shoulders.

He looked at me and cocked his head, trying out a new language on me.

"Nope, still have no clue what you're saying," He shouted something behind him, which made me jump. Out came old man Gandalf, the only persons of the Fellowship I remember well. They started to converse in their strange language.

It sounded vaguely like a language I heard on the History channel, Anglo-something.

Whatever, I wasn't paying that much attention any ways.

Valarie finally woke up and let out a long groan, she sounded a bit like an elephant. It was actually kind of funny; I had to bite my cheek to try not to laugh. I am terrible friend.

No seriously, I'm a pretty bad friend. I hadn't bothered to reach for my phone to call 911 or anything.

"Charlotte," Valarie called from her position by the tree, "Charlotte, what's happening?"

I ran over to her to get an actual look at her wound.

Wow.

What a fucking drama queen, it was a scrape; it wasn't even in her arm like I thought.

Sure it left a pretty big scratch, but really.

A cat could've done that.

Still not sure where all the blood came from though.

**TTTTT**

Okay, so I was trying to calm Val down, without wanting to smack her for being so annoying. Then suddenly, Gandalf came up behind me. Sometimes I really hate people, like why can't they make their presence known before talking to me.

He came up behind me and gently touched my shoulder, which nearly shot me to the moon. He must have felt my shoulder jump, because he quickly removed it and looked at Valarie. Gandalf grabbed her arm and inspected it. He let out a small chuckle (when have I ever used the word chuckle in an actual sentence?) and ruffled her hair.

"She will survive this," he stated calmly.

Valarie let out an exasperated "Yay," and rested her head against the tree stump. I rolled my eyes and clicked my tongue. Gandalf turned from Valarie to face me, "Is my assumption wrong?" he questioned, looking me straight in the eye.

Well, this sure is terrifying. I never had to piss myself more in my entire life.

I think my stomach literally fell down to my toes.

"Uh, um, no sir, I was just thinking she was being a bit dramatic," the last part of that came out in a squeaky voice I never I could do before.

Gandalf reached out and grabbed my hand reassuringly, "Do not worry child, I was only teasing you,"

The laugh I let out was a bit louder than it should have been.

God, I hate my voice.

"Now," Gandalf began, "Pray tell me your name."

"Char-"I stopped half way through my name.

Wait what?

Was Gandalf just speaking to me in English?

Ugh, why is time travel so confusing?

Like really.

Why?

"Char," said Gandalf, looking me in my eyes.

I hate when people do that.

"Char," he repeated "What an interesting name."

"It's not, my name is Charlotte," Gandalf blinked a few times, "I've never heard of such a name before. And your companions?" Valarie, being the drama queen she is, perked up when she was finally being talked about. "My name is Valarie, sir," she said, now sitting up with the support of the tree.

I glanced over to the elf, whose name is at the tip of my tongue. L something or other, whatever I don't care that much. What I DO care about is how did they get here, and why does Gandalf speak English when the elf couldn't. Surely they know they're not in Middle Earth anymore.

Right?

Plus, where are they others? Shouldn't they be peaking their heads in this business?

What the fuck is going on here?

I wring my hands together and looked anxiously to Valarie, who was staring at her arm again.

She is literally no help; she's like a 4 year old.

"Sir," I began cautiously, "Do you know that you're no longer in Middle Earth?" Gandalf looked up and scanned his surroundings. He looked from tree to tree then back at me, "I suppose we aren't," he concluded. "We are no longer in Middle Earth?" asked the hobbit.

He is so cute; I just want to choke him out.

**TTTTT**

**A/N: Okay, I'm just so proud that I actually decided to continue this fic. This could've been forgotten; left to wither away in the acid puddle I call my mind. I think it's going pretty well so far, a bit slow, but hey, slow is good some time.**

**Anyroad, I have a question: I am very uncreative. Would people who review this story pass along some ideas on what should happen?**

**I have chapter 3 basically outlined, but from then on I have no clue what may happen.**

**Okay, I'm gonna wrap this up, since I tend to make these pretty long. But again, send me some ideas because I am uncreative. Also, did you enjoy those chocolates I sent you?**

**#idon'townlordoftheringscriesonmyr oof**

**-Bing Crosby**


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